SOLF PT 1
by Michicko
Summary: S.O.L.F means Stalking Obsessive Legolas Fangirls. This is truly a fic of randomnes, and funny stuff! Please read, as there is a sequel with a plot in store!
1. Glow in the Dark Abs

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE LORD OF THE RINGS.  
  
A/N: I had to remove this story to add chapters. My account was frozen for some incredibly stupid reason.  
  
Chapter One: Glow in the Dark Abs  
  
"I think we took a wrong turn at Caradhras." Gandalf said. Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin were giggly insanely.  
"Dude.look at all the stars." Obviously, they were high.  
"Oh my gosh Becky look at her butt. It is soooooooo big!" Pippin sang, "I like big butts and I cannot lie."  
Take that back. They were extremely high.  
"Sometimes when we touch.the honesty's too much.and I have to close my eyes and hide..." crooned Sam.  
Okay, the hobbits were wasted.  
"SHUT UP SAM!" Aragorn shouted, "That was, what? The 1,889,778,454th time you've sang that song?"  
"No," said Legolas, "It's the 1,889,778,455th time. I've been counting." Legolas triple flipped his hair and girls around the world sighed. (except for my friend Adrienne who thinks that Frodo's hotter. Eww!)  
Merry stumbles due to his wastedness and falls on something very hard and black. "Ow, what is this stuff?" He looks down at the black thing. It had two yellow lines running through the middle of it.  
"One time, at band camp, we were playing spin the bottle and I had to kiss this guy for like, 30 seconds and it was SO FUNNY!!" giggled Pippin. Insanely.  
"Look! An odd looking house! Let's go ask for directions. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Meanwhile, Diana, Anne, Lydia, Amanda, Jenny Hess, Jen Heller, Katherine, Jenna, Hanna, Miriam and Adrienne were having a slumber party.  
"Why do they call it a 'slumber party'?" Katherine asked, "No one gets any sleep."  
"What else would they call them?" Diana replied, " 'Let's-stay-up-all- night- and-get-sugar-highs party'?"  
"Well."  
"YAY! THET PARTS COMING UP! HE'S GOING TO DO THAT THINGY!" Diana, Hanna, Jen Heller, Katherine, and Jenna all screamed and gathered around the tv. Amanda, Jenny Hess and Adrienne just smacked their heads. Miriam, Anne and Lydia just kind of sat there.  
The 5 members of Stalking Obsessive Legolas Fangirls, (S. O. L. F. for short.) watch as Legolas did that REALLY cool stunt with the horse. After that bit was over, they all sighed. Amanda, Jenny and Adrienne smack their heads. Again.  
"You know what would be really cool?" Diana says, still half dazed due to Legolas's severe hotness, "It would totally awesome if Legolas had glow-in-the-dark abs."  
All of a sudden, a loud pounding is heard. "I hope that's not Cassie. She's the spawn of Satan." Amanda said out loud. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
"Who's going to knock on the door?" Legolas asked. HE looked around at the rest of the fellowship. The hobbits were either singing, on the ground twitching or passed out. Gandalf was trying to revive Pippin and Aragorn was being driven insane by Sam's singing. Merry was passed out, Frodo was twitching and Gimli and Boromir looked afraid to touch the door. "Fine, I will knock." Legolas knocked and waited for someone to answer the door. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Since it was Diana's house, she got up to answer the door. She hoped it was the pizza guy. She was incredibly hungry. As she reached the front door, she could hear someone singing and someone yelling and a loud thump. She opened the door anyways.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHH- (takes deep breath) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Diana screamed. Katherine, Jen, Jenna and Hanna came running to the door. They did the first thing they could think of when they reached the front door. They screamed and then fainted. The rest of the girls came running thinking that their friends were dead.  
"Oh my gosh!" Adrienne said, "You.are.Legolas Greenleaf!"  
"Umm." Legolas quivered in fear.  
"Dude you better get out of here before-" Too late. The 5 members of S. O. L. F. had already awakened and were clinging to Legolas's legs.  
"FLY!" Legolas shouted to the rest of the fellowship, "Save yourselves!" He sniffed, "It's too late for me."  
"WAIT! If you stay , we promise we won't cling to your legs anymore." Diana said.  
"Why?" Legolas asked, trying to break free of their grip.  
"For the sake of continuing this story."  
"Umm.no."  
"I've got pizza."  
"Okay!" 


	2. Pippin, The Croc Hunter

Disclaimer: I don't own the Lord of the Rings characters. A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long to put up! My account was frozen.  
  
Chapter 2: Pippin, The Croc Hunter  
  
"Hey! You said you had pizza!" Legolas said.  
"We do, it's jut not here yet." Amanda said. Diana, Jen, Katherine, Jenna and Hanna were standing with their mouths wide open, to stunned to speak.  
"How did you get here, anyways?" Lydia asked.  
"Well," said Pippin, a little less wasted, "It's a long story. It all starts with a mommy and a daddy and then they go up to the-"  
"Fool of a Took! That's where babies come from." Gandalf said, "We actually don't know how we got here."  
The doorbell rang again. The fellowship pulled out their weapons ready for battle. Anne went to go answer the door. Aragorn pulled her back.  
"Stay back!" He shouted, "It could be an ambush!"  
"Um, that's just the pizza man," Anne replied.  
"YAY! PIZZA!" The hobbits said in unison. The four of them sheathed their swords and ran to the door. They opened the door and took the pizza from the guy.  
"That'll be 20 bucks," said the pizza man in a monotonous voice. Pippin just slammed the door in his face. Adrienne grabbed the pizza from Frodo.  
"Sorry hobbits, but we need nourishment too."  
"Damn." Frodo said looking very disappointed. (In case you're wondering, Adrienne's not clinging to Frodo 'cause his legs are WAY too hairy) Adrienne passed around slices of pizza to everyone. Diana, Jen, Katherine, Hanna, and Jenna were still following Legolas around with their mouths wide open. Amanda, Jenny and Adrienne smacked their heads.  
"Okay, that is starting to hurt." Jenny said rubbing her forehead.  
"Get used to it," Amanda said, "We're going to be smacking ourselves a lot."  
"Do you want to stay for the slumber party?" Miriam asked.  
"Slumber party?" Frodo asked, "What's that?"  
"You stay the night at someone's house. Miriam replied.  
"Oh. We call them Let's-stay-up-and-get-sugar-highs party." Sam said.  
"Rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhht.."  
"AHHH! It burns! Feel my wrath!" Gandalf zapped his pizza and it turned into a pickle. "BWAHAHA! I'M ALMIGHTY!"  
"Rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhht.." All of a sudden, Sam, Katherine, Merry and Pippin started singing the song..  
"Sometimes when we touch. The honesty's too much. And I have to close my eyes and hide."  
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!" Aragorn shouted and covered his ears, "The infernal song of doom!"  
"Do you even know what infernal means?" Lydia asked.  
"No." Aragorn ran into the corner of the kitchen. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" He slumped to the floor and sucked his thumb. He was also rocking back and forth. Legolas shook his head.  
"WOW! That one's a whopper!" said Pippin, trying to imitate the crocodile hunter, " She's a beaut!" Pippin was holding a spoon. "Now, I've got to be careful, female spoons are feistier than-" Pippin shrieked wildly, "AHHHHHHHH! ME ARM! SHE'S BITTEN OFF ME ARM!" He let out a very long string of bad, nasty words.  
"Your arm is still attached to your body." Jen said.  
"HOLY CR- oh, you're right."  
"Anyone for a drink?" Merry asked.  
"One, I don't drink," Diana said, "Two, where'd you get the beer?"  
"NOT TELLING! Anyways, how 'bout a drinking song then?"  
"OK!" Diana, Hanna, Merry and Pippin jumped up on the table and started to sing.  
"Hey Ho, to the bottle I go,  
To heal my heart and drown my woe!  
The rain may fall, the wind may blow,  
But there shall beeeeeeeee, many miles to go!  
  
Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain,  
And the feet that fall from hill to plain,  
Better than rain or rippling brook."  
Diana sang, "And a mug of beer inside this Took!" (Incase you haven't noticed, that is the song Merry and Pippin sing in the Green Dragon in the Extended version of FOTR.)  
"Hey, that was my line!" Pippin said. Aragorn was giving them evil glares.  
"What do you want to do now?"  
"TRUTH OR DARE!" The hobbits and Gimli squealed.  
"Okay." Adrienne pondered (HA! That's a big word like 'cat'!) "Uhhh, BOROMIR! Truth or Dare?!"  
"Hmm, let's see." (20 min. later)  
"How about..." They all smiled. "No, no. That's stupid." They all sighed. (An hour later)  
"Umm.."  
"You picked dare? Ok, good."  
"But I-"  
"I dare you to." 


	3. Squirrels and Video Games

Disclaimer: I don't own the Lord of the Rings. So no suing! A/N: Please don't ask about the dare. It's an inside joke.  
  
Chapter 3: Squirrels and Video Games  
  
"I KNOW! I dare you too-" Adrienne was interrupted by the front door opening. Another of Diana's friends, Hayley, skipped in singing.  
"We're devils, we're black sheep, we're really bad eggs, drink up me hearties yo ho! Yo ho, Yo ho, a pirate's life for me!"  
"HAYLEY!" Diana shouted.  
"DIANA!" Hayley shouted back.  
"HAYLEY!"  
"DIANA!"  
"MERRY!" Pippin screamed.  
"PIPPIN!" Merry yelled.  
"MERR-"  
"SHUT UP!" Gandalf said.  
"Yessir!" Merry and Pippin said in unison.  
"OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-" Legolas put his hand over her mouth.  
"Been there, done that." The five members gave Hayley glares of jealousy.  
"ANYWAYS..." Adrienne said, "Boromir, I dare you to lick Aragorn's armpit.  
"WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NEVER!" Boromir ran towads the glass door, thinking it was an exit. He ran right into it, and was knocked out cold.  
"So much for that dare."  
"Who's next?"  
"Oh! Oh! ME!" Gimli squealed. "Umm.... I'll pick..you! What's your name. Oh, Amananananda."  
"It's just Amanda." She replied.  
"Same thing. Hmmmm.. I dare you to dress in a squirrel costume, climb a tree, and yell, 'I WANT NUTS!'"  
"NO!" Amanda cried shrilly, "That has innuendo written all over it!"  
"I know." Gimli smiled cheesily.  
"What does innuendo mean?" Frodo asked. Thankfully, no one answered.  
"Are you going to do it or not?"  
"NO."  
"I'll give you a kiss."  
"NO!"  
"How 'bout for twenty bucks?" Sam asked.  
"SOLD!"  
So, in the end, Amananananda- I mean, Amanda, dressed up as a squirrel, climbed a tree, and yelled 'I WANT NUTS!'. Sad, really. I won't go in to the details as they are scary and they made my eyes sting.  
"I'm getting bored of this game." Pippin whined.  
"I know!" Diana said, "We can play video games!" They all headed into the basement. Diana turned on the TV and the playstation. She put the Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King game into the console. "Who wants to play?"  
"OH! OH! MEEEEE!" Merry said. Diana gave him a controller. Dian chose Legolas-of course- to play for the game. The real Legolas twitched.  
"Who should I be?" Merry asked. There were many characters to choose from besides Legolas; there was Aragorn, Gandalf, Frodo, Sam, Gimli, Merry, Pippin and Faramir.  
"Ew! Who'd want to be Pippin?!" Merry said.  
"Yeah, he's such a whiner and he eats a lot." Pippin, who oddly agreed went on, "And he doesn't know a thing about battle and- HEY wait a minute!"  
"What?" Aragorn asked.  
"I forgot to say that he's not quite that smart and- WAIT!"  
"WHAT?!"  
"I also forgot that he's also simple-minded too." A couple minutes passed by before Pippin realized what he just said about himself. "Hey! Merry, you tricked me!"  
"Pippin," Merry sighed, "No one cares."  
"Oh," Pippin said cheerfully, "Okay."  
Merry choose to be- what a surprise- Merry. They picked to play the Pelennor Fields level.  
"What you have to do," Diana explained, "is fight the orcs until we kill sixty of them. Then, we have to go and kill the Oliphaunts before they kill Eowyn and...well, you. After we kill three, a Nazgul" Frodo cringed, "will come and we have to hurt it. It will go away after a while and we go back to killing Oliphaunts. Then, the Nazgul comes back and we kill it and we beat the level. Got it?"  
"Yup!" Merry replied.  
"Ready?" Merry nodded. "GO!" Diana, controlling Legolas, slashed through Southrons and Mukmamil. She had killed about 10 by now.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Merry died. Already.  
"It's okay, you have a respawn." Diana said. Within 10 seconds, Merry was playing again. And within 3, he died. Again.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Merry cried in agony, "CURSE YOU!" Merry pulled out his infamous carrot and nibbled on it to make him feel better.  
  
What will they do next? Why did Gimli call Amanda Amananananda? Is Pippin really that dumb? Why is merry horrible at playing video games? When will the insanity end? You probably won't find out in Chapter 4, but read it anyways! 


	4. The Doom That Is Keith

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Lord of the Rings characters. A/N: Sorry this chapter took long! Internet problems AND writers block. Sucks, I know. Anyways, here chapter 4!  
  
Chapter 4: The Doom that is Keith  
  
"Maybe video games isn't such a good idea." Diana was about to turn the console off, but Boromir spoke up.  
"NO! I wanna play!" He cried.  
"Yeah," Hayley said, "Me too!"  
"Hey," Adrienne said, "I thought you didn't like video games!"  
"Well..."  
"Okay then." Boromir said, "The match has been set. Whoever gets the most kills, wins."  
"You're going down, son!"  
"I beg to differ!"  
Hayley decided to be Aragorn and Boromir decided to be Faramir. Boromir wanted to know why he wasn't in the game, and no one wanted to answer. They chose the Black gate level and started to play.  
Hayley was doing pretty well. She got used to it quickly. She had killed about 12 guys by now.  
Boromir was doing well, but he wasn't adjusting as fast as Hayley. He had only killed 5.  
"Hey!" Hayley shouted, "I was about to kill him!"  
"So?" Then, the scene changed. They could hear Gandalf talking about destroying the evil that marshals before us etc. Then, the orcs surrounded them on all sides. They came first from the right, then from all sides. After they killed 6 bosses, they faced the Nazgul. Hayley threw spears and killed them all.  
"HEY! You didn't let me kill any of them!" Boromir pouted.  
The end, they both killed 76 orcs, mumakil, and southrons.  
"There's only one way to settle this." Jenna said. "NAME CALLING FACE- OFF!" (dramatic music plays.)  
"DORK!" Boromir shouted.  
"Is that the best you could think of?" Boromir nodded. "You're such a dumbass."  
"I am not a donkey!" Aragorn whispered something in Boromir's ear. "Auta miqula oruqu*!" Boromir said triumphantly.  
"Llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina*!" Hayley replied.  
Frodo now whispered something to Boromir. "GERMAN GIRL!" At this everyone gasped.  
"OH MY GOSH!" Jenny shouted, "YOU CALLED HAYLEY A GERMAN GIRL! HOW COULD YOU! I mean- wait, I don't get it."  
"It's a long story" Adrienne said. "Did you know, that when you squeeze a ketchup bottle, the ketchup comes out at 25 mi an hour?" "Yes Diana," Anne said, "You've told us this before." "But did you know that when you sneeze-" "Yes." "And also when-" "You can never keep your eyes open when you sneeze, we know." And then, there was a knock upon the door. Again. Lydia stood up to answer it, and Jen joined her.  
A teenager who looked to be 17 or 18 stood in the doorway. He looked familiar. Lydia thought she had seen him on some show.  
"Who are you?" Jen asked.  
"Hi, my name's Keith."  
"Oh no.. You were ever on American Idol?" Lydia asked, sounding a little scared.  
"Yes." Keith replied angrily. "But those idiots rejected me." Keith pushed pass the two girls and walked into the room. He stared at all four hobbits still eating.  
"Hey, weren't you guys in a movie or something?" Keith said, sounding gay.  
"What's a movie?" Pippin asked Merry.  
"I think you eat it." Merry whispered. The rest of the Fellowship came into the kitchen along with everyone else.  
"HOLY CRAP!" IT'S KEITH!" Miriam screamed in fear. Keith took this the wrong way, and thought he was well liked in this house.  
Fat chance.  
"Since you like me so much," Keith, unfortunately said, "I will sing for you!"  
"No, really you don't have to-"  
Too late. Again. Why is it that no one can stop anything bad from happening in this story? ~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~  
PLEASE REVIEW! All the elvish in the story was Go kiss an orc (Auta miqula oruqu) and You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. (Llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina) 


	5. Angergorn!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Lrod of the Rnigs characters. Nor do I own the Lord of the Rings characters.  
  
Chapter 5: Angergorn!  
  
"Like a virgin..touched for the very first time!" Keith sang, and everyone was curled up into balls, rocking back and forth.  
AND THEN THE UNICORN CAME IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH WHO ELSE BUT JACK SPARROW ON IT'S BACK!!!!!!! !  
"You know what, Keith, mate? SHUT UP!" said the infamous man of pirate gloriosity, and hit him over the head with a bottle of RUM. It wasn't gone.  
"OH MY GOD! IT'S THE INFAMOUS MAN OF PIRATE GLORIOSITY JACK SPARROW!" Merry shouted.  
"How do you know Jack Sparrow?" Dianda asked.  
"Oh, come on. EVERYONE'S seen Pirates of the Carribean."  
"Such a pretty boat!" piped up Hayley, doing a very bad Jack Sparrow impression.  
"Ship!" finished Pippin.  
Hayley snorted and accidentally inhaled a kernel of popcorn. (YES, she was eating popcorn, it did not just APPEAR.) (Okay, maybe.)  
"Argh!" she fell down and starting having convulsions.  
"Should we help her?" asked Frodo, peering at the twitching figure.  
"No, this happens all the time. She'll get over it." Katherine said, and went over to inspect the unicorn.  
"How did you get a unicorn?" Katherine asked.  
"It's a rental." Jack replied, being all dazed-like. As usual..yeah.  
"I WANT A UNICORN!" Aragorn shouted.  
"NO!"  
"YES!" "NO!"  
"YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!"  
"YES!" Aragorn shouted, took out his sword, and shoved it, in a very "Return of the King video game"-esque move, into Diana's basement floor.  
"You have way too much pent up anger." Hayley said, stopping her convulsions for the moment. "You're like..Angergorn."  
The rest of group snickered, even Jack and his unicorn, even if it was only because the unicorn had just kicked Gimli in the...yeah.  
"Angergorn." Legolas said, trying not to laugh.  
"DON'T CALL ME THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" Angergorn whined.  
"Meow." Hayley went back to doing her convulsions. The world was normal once again. Until she started humming the "Under the Sea" theme from the Little Mermaid.  
After a few minutes, Hayley's convulsions stopped for good. I think. But she started to cling to Jack's leg. He didn't seem to mind though.  
"Let's play a new game." Hanna said.  
"OH! I have an idea!" Diana said, "We can play capture the flag!"  
"How do you play that?" Boromir asked.  
"Well, there are 2 teams and they each have a flag. The teams hide each flag and then, the members of each team go over to the other teams side to try to find their flag. But if someone from that team tags you, you have to go to jail."  
"JAIL?!" Jack cried, "WHAT JAIL! I AM NOT GOING TO ANOTHER JAIL AND BEING FORCED TO HAVE BLOODY EUNUCHS AS CELL MATES!" Jack curled up into a ball and started to suck his thumb.  
"No, not that kind of jail!" Jenna explained, "It's a spot where you stand until someone from your team frees you."  
"Oh, that's interesting."  
"Very interesting!" Hayley said, beaming at the Captain in all his .... uh... Jack Sparrowness?  
"Okay then, let's split up into teams." Adrienne suggested.  
"I WANNA BE ON LEGOLAS'S TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The members of S.O.L.F screamed in unison. Legolas cringed.  
In the end, Team 1 consisted of Legolas, Diana, Jen, Katherine, Jenna, Hanna, Gimli, Merry, Pippin, Amanda and Jenny. Jack Sparrow, Hayley, Adrienne, Aragorn, Anne, Lydia, Miriam, Gandalf, Boromir, Frodo and Sam were on Team numbah 2.  
Yes, I just typed numbah.  
Gandalf said in an overly dramatic voice "So it begins...."  
Both teams went outside and hid their flags. Merry, Pippin and Jenny stayed behind to guard the jail, as did Anne Lydia and Miriam.  
"I FOUND IT!!!!" Gimli shouted, waving a green handkerchief in the air.  
"Gimli," Hanna said, "That's our flag."  
"Oh. I knew that."  
"ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!" Aragorn cried, "WHERE IS THE BLOODY FLAG!?!?"  
"Angergorn..."  
  
Who will win Capture the Flag? Where in the world did Angergorn comefrom? Well, I actually know.  
But here is an interesting fact! My friend Hayley helped me write Chap. 5 and was actually humming the "Under the Sea" theme from the Little Mermaid. But, THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH HAYLEY! 


	6. Truth or Dare: Round 2

Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR or jack Sparrow.  
  
A/N: Sorry this Chapter took soooooooooooooooooo long. I just never got around to writing it. I was gonna give up FanFic writing for Lent, (Yes, I'm Catholic) But I gave up Watching LOTR and Playing the Games. I know, I'm trying to accomplish the impossible.  
  
Chapter Six: Truth or Dare: Round 2  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TACKLING ME FOR?!" Legolas shouted, "I'M ON YOUR TEAM!!!" The members of SOLF tackled him to the ground and were on top of him.  
"That doesn't mean we can't tackle you!" Hanna said, squeezing Legolas harder. So far, the game wasn't going so well. Team 1 had to keep re-hiding their flag because Gimli kept revealing where it was. The SOLF members weren't even attempting to find the flag, Aragorn lashed out at anyone who so much as mentioned Angergorn or Unicorns. Or PMS.  
"MERRY! You let Boromir get Adrienne free from jail!" Jenny cried in anger.  
"No I didn't!" Merry replied, "I can't run that fast because I...I'm..."  
"Short?" Pippin finished.  
"SHUT UP!" Merry slumped to the ground and started to cry. Then, Jack came along and accidentally tripped over Merry.  
"Sorry there mate, I didn't see, Merry." This only made him cry even harder.  
"Geez Merry, your such a crybaby." Jenny said.  
"BRING IT GIRLFRIEND!" Merry jumped up and stood in a ninja-like position.  
"Oh, so that's how it's gonna be?" Jenny stood on one foot and kicked the other foot out in the air, revealing a red converse with starred shoelaces. "I shall now unleash the Red-Shoed Ninja!"  
"HIYAH!" Merry attempted to jab Jenny with his pinky, but failed as Jenny dodged the attack at the last moment using her quick, agile reflexes.  
"Hey, you tried to tig me!" Jenny said, sounding annoyed.  
"Your point?"  
"You weren't officially invited into the game of tig!"  
"Yeah I was!" Merry held out a certificate that read:  
  
Meriadoc Brandybuck  
  
You have been officially accepted  
In the game of Tig. Signed,  
  
K. Hayley Nickerson Adrienne E. Yoder Diana T. Mousetis  
  
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Jenny screamed, "NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS! HAYLEY! ADRIENNE! DIANA!"  
The game was paused for the moment and Diana, Hayley and Adrienne came running to the scene. "What's wrong?" Adrienne asked.  
"He's got an official Tig Member Certificate!"  
"What?" Hayley said, "I don't remember signing one."  
"I didn't either." Diana and Adrienne said unison.  
DUN DUN DUN DAAA!!!!  
"Who did then?" Hayley scanned the crowd. No one looked guilty. "Wait, where's Katherine?"  
Then, they could hear whispering coming from behind the trash cans. "You're now an Official Member of Tig!"  
Diana peered over the trashcans and found Katherine handing Pippin a forged Tig Member certificate!  
Oh, how the plot thickens.  
Is there even a plot?  
Anyways, Adrienne, Hayley and Diana were outraged.  
"KATHERINE! I can't believe you would do this to me!" Diana cried, "It's strictly against the Tig Club rules!"  
"I...well..." Katherine stammered.  
"No, Katherine, I don't want to hear it!"  
"Katherine I. Preston, We, the founders of Tig, hereby banish you from the truly awesome game of TIG." Adrienne said. She pulled Katherine's certificate out of nowhere and ripped it in half.  
"FINE." Katherine sneered, "I'll just go to TARA GOODPASTER'S house. But YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME!!" And with that, she stormed away.  
"What was that all about?" Lydia asked.  
"I don't know, and I don't want to know." Anne replied curtly, "Let's continue the game anyways."  
"Hey guys," Jenny said, "I have a song you guys have to hear!" She cleared voice and the whole crew sat down in front of her. "Lalalalalalala Buy a Dta so that no robbers can get in your hose and then when they get in the hose goes BEEP BEEP!"  
Jack Sparrow stood up and clapped, though he had a little trouble standing with Hayley clinging to his leg. "Beautiful love! Bravo!"  
Everyone stared at him, wondering 'Why?'  
But then again, Jack was drunk.  
So I guess that explains it. Yup, it does.  
"What? I thought it was a wonderful song!" Jack replied with a slight blush in his cheeks.  
"Alrighty then," Miriam said, "Let's just do something else..."  
"Like what?" Boromir asked.  
"I don't know..." Miriam's eyes sparked with a new idea, "Let's play truth or dare again! I have a very good idea!" She rubbed her hands together and laughed maniacally.  
"Umm, I don't know..." Gandalf said, in an unsure tone.  
"Aw, come on!"  
"Fine." Gandalf sighed, "I knew I shouldn't have agreed to go on this damn quest!"  
They all entered the house again. The crew sat in a big circle in the living room and Diana made popcorn, though Hayley was cautious to stay away from it.  
"Okay, everybody comfy?"  
They all grumbled in response.  
"Okay then," Miriam looked over the crowd many times. "Hmm...SAM!"  
"NO! NEVER!" Sam cried and curled up into a ball and was shaking with fear.  
"Dude, I haven't even told you the dare yet."  
"Oh. Go on."  
"Sam, I dare you to...KISS A DOG"S BUTT!"  
"NO! NEVER!" Sam cried and curled up into a ball and was shaking with fear.  
"You must!" Miriam laughed like a loon.  
"But there isn't even a dog here, so HA!"  
"BUFFY!" Hayley called. A small Pomeranian strolled into the room. But then, the dog started to spontaneously roll around on the floor.  
"She takes after you, I see." Legolas said to Hayley, eyeing the dog.  
"Yeah...HEY!"  
"So," Miriam said evilly, "The Time has come, dear Samwise!"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Will Sam go through with the Dare? And what about Katherine? Why was she forging Tig Certificates? (Well I'd tell you why, but I'd cuss too much and no one would want that.) If you want to know what Tig is, watch the commentaries in the Extended Version of FOTR. 


	7. Tara and her NungaNungas

Chapter Seven: Tara and her Nungas- Nungas.  
  
"MWAHAHHAAHAHAAHHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHHAHAAAAAAAHAHHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAAAAAAAAHAHAHA" Miriam paused to take a breath, "Where was I? Oh yes- MUHAHAHAHHAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAAAHAHAAAAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA AHAHHAHA-"  
"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SANE, WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?!" Aragorn shouted. Miriam stopped laughing and shot him an angry glance and muttered something about "stupid fictional characters.  
And someone, I'm not saying names, LYDIA, made the mistake of upsetting him even further. "Angergorn...."  
"AARRGGHH!!" Aragorn ran to the corner and started rocking back and forth. He was sucking his thumb and holding a blanket that just appeared out of thin air.  
It just APPEARED.  
...came out of nowhere...  
Anyways, Gandalf, Amanda, Adrienne, Jenny and Hayley smacked their foreheads.  
"Whoa. Gandalf's a Forehead Smacker?" Jenny asked.  
"Well, yes." Gandalf replied, "In this story at least. And in the Lord of the Rings Story. And... oh heck, yeah I am an official Forehead Smacker. I think."  
"Okay then."  
"So, Sam, shall we commence with the dare?" Miriam asked all mysterious-like.  
"NO!"  
Do you think that Sam will: Run into the glass door and be knocked out cold. Start singing "Sometime when we touch..." and drive Aragorn completely insane and escaping amid the chaos or: Make Frodo do it. If you guessed A you'd be right! NOT.  
If you guessed B, you're wrong and a bit on the loony side. Don't ask me why, you just are.  
If you guessed C, you're just dumb.  
What Sam really does is as follows:  
He kissed the dog's butt. I'm being totally serious. He really kissed the dog's butt and had to go into therapy for months. Also, I'm SO not going into details, as they are bloody and gory and gruesome.  
"HAHAHAHA!" Miriam had a camera in her hands and was laughing like a loon on April Fool's Day who just "de-panted" someone and...oh, never mind. "I HAVE THE ULTIMATE BLACKMAIL! ALL MUST BOW DOWN TO ME!"  
"Why all of us?" Legolas asked.  
"I don't know."  
"SHH!" The crew turned around every which way to find out who said that. Diana and Anne and Jenny stealthily sneaked over to where they thought they heard the noise. The three of them peered around the corner into the dining room. Tara Goodpaster and Katherine were sitting there whispering to each other.  
"Okay, so then, you pull out the water balloons and I'll get the monkey-"  
"I like to whisper too!" Jenny's brother, Doug stuck his head in between there. And he too just appeared out of thin air.  
He just APPEARED.  
...came out of nowhere...  
I'll stop doing that.  
"DOUG?!" Jenny said, sounding shocked to no one's surprise, "Since when were you in this fanfiction?!"  
"Uh, I don't know." Doug replied.  
"Okay then."  
"Katherine," Diana said, "NOW what are you plotting against me?"  
"Well our plan was sort of ruined when you came in." Katherine answered. "But, our plan was this: We were going to lure the SOLF Members out side with a card board cut out of Will Turner, and then knock you out with water balloons, and then lure everyone else-BUT LEGOLAS- into the basement with a lure thingy and throw a rabid monkey down there to keep ya busy. Then, I'd take Leggy boy home with me!"  
"Do NOT call me Leggy Boy!" Legolas shouted from the other room. "My name is LEGOLAS. Say it with me, LE-GO-LAS! I-" Legolas pulled out a razor, "-am a MAN!"  
By then, everyone came over to witness what was going down, yo. (Sorry, I had to Ghetto at that moment. I dedicate that moment to Jenny Penny!)  
"So," Anne said, "Since your revenge plan failed, what're you going to do now?"  
"I CHALLENGE YOU TO A GAME OF...SOCCER!" Katherine said.  
"But you hate soccer." Diana replied.  
"Well, you'll see why I chose soccer later on in this fic." Katherine replied and she winked at Legolas. Which made him cringe.  
"I'll be the referee!" Doug said excitedly.  
"Since when did you know anything about soccer?" Jenny asked.  
"Since I read this book." He held out a book called Everything You Need To Know About Soccer In Three Minutes.  
"That's extremely weird." "That settles it then!" Jack popped in, dragging Hayley along who was STILL clinging to his legs. "We attack at dawn, savvy?"  
"Attack what?" Hanna asked.  
"Uhh..."  
"That's what I thought." Hanna said.  
"Anyways," Doug (?) said, "We'll play two on two 'cause no one wants to join your team." He was referring to Katherine and Tara.  
"Okay, BRING IT ON DIANA!" Katherine jabbed at Diana in the shoulder.  
"Oh, don't get all up in my kool-aid, girl!" Diana replied, snapping her fingers. Suddenly without a warning Katherine HIT her. In the shoulder.  
"Oh, now you've asked for it!" Diana would've beaten the crap out of Katherine, but Legolas and Aragorn, who apparently left his blanket, had to hold her back to avert a massacre.  
"All right then mates!" Jack piped up, "Remember, NO QUARTER! ATTACK, YOU SCABUROUS DOGS!"  
"Attack what?!" Hanna asked, "There is nothing to attack! NOTHING! Besides, what does 'No Quarter' mean?"  
"No mercy, savvy?" Hayley said, beaming at Jack.  
"Okay, love, I can't feel my leg." Hayley reluctantly let go of Jack's leg after Boromir threatened to call her a G. Girl.  
"Best 2 out of 3?" Katherine said.  
"If you think you can manage it." Adrienne replied.  
"First round," Doug called, "Katherine and Tara vs. Diana and Legolas! Let the beat down begin!"  
Katherine was playing offense for her team and so was Diana for her team. That left Tara and Legolas to be goalies. The whistle blew and the game started. Katherine had the ball first out of sheer kindness since she wasn't a very good soccer player. She dribbled the ball down the field a little, but it wasn't long before Diana gained control of the ball. It also wasn't long before she scored.  
"GIMME A 'D'!" Merry shouted, and the rest of the hobbits and Gimli (again, ?) were acting like cheerleaders and doing far too many high kicks. (Seriously, picture Gimli doing high kicks. It's hilarious.)  
"D!" They answered.  
"GIMME A 'Y'!" "'Y'!" "GIMME AN 'A'!" "'A'!" "GIMME A 'N'!" "'N'!" "GIMME AN 'I'!" "'I'!" "GIMME ANOTHER 'A'!" "'A'!" "WHAT DOES IT SPELL?!" "DYANIA!" "Dude," Diana walked over with the soccer ball under her arm. "My name is spelled D-I-A-N-A." "Oh." Merry smiled, "We'll just do another cheer!" "NO!" Everyone else said in unison. Diana got back into position and Katherine started with the ball. Out of pity, Diana let Katherine past, but it still didn't make a difference. Katherine kicked the ball at the goal, but, Legolas blocked the ball using his quick elvish reflexes. HE'S SOOOOO AWESOME! All the SOLF members cheered. Even Katherine. Oh, girls and there obsessions. Anyways, The two teams changed their line up. Legolas and Tara were on the offensive positions. (Things are gonna get weird now.) While Tara was running down the field, her...uh...basoomas, or nunga-nungas as I so lovingly call them,( I LOVE YOU GEORGIA NICOLSON!) were going every which way. And the oddest thing of all things odd happened. Her nunga- nunga's whacked her in the faced and she was knocked out cold. I told it was odd. "Holy crap," Pippin said, "That's was the FUNNIEST thing I ever saw!"  
  
WHEN WILL THE INSANITY END!?!? Probably when I get 20 chapters. But anyways, the whole Tara-getting-knocked-out-by-her-nunga-nungas thing was and idea I got from a book called Knocked Out by My Nunga-Nungas. Teehee! 


	8. The Return of the Unicorn

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings, I own not. A/N: The story might not be updated too often cause I'm trying to do my homework, write a POTC fanfic, write an extra credit LA story, and keep my sanity all at once. Los siento mucho!  
  
Chapter Eight: The Return of the Unicorn  
  
Pippin clutched at his stomach and rolled on the ground, laughing. Katherine was fanning Tara, trying to revive her. It wasn't working so well, and no one else bothered to help. The others were deciding to play next. Or, in Pippin's case, clutching their stomachs and were rolling on the ground, laughing.  
"Uh... I don't think this match is going to continue, so what do you want to do?" Jen H. asked.  
"Hmmm..." Frodo scratched his beard. (Yes, Frodo has a beard...in this fic anyway.) "I KNOW! Let's give each other pedicures and manicures!" Everyone looked at the Hobbit's feet. They were extremely hairy and the toenails were overgrown and disgusting. Boromir screamed like the little girl he is and fainted.  
"OH! I have a WAY better idea!" Adrienne said, "Let's all get in the car and every time we stop at a red light, we'll count how many people pick their nose!" Everyone looked at Adrienne funny.  
"C'mon guys, it's America's Pastime!" came a voice from behind. They all turned around and saw whom else but Homestar Runner from standing beside Strong Bad!! (They're both from homestarrunner.com, the funniest website in the world!)  
"HOLINESS THINGS OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!" cried Diana, "It's Homestar Runner and Strong Bad!!!!"  
"Whoa. These peoples actually know us." Homestar said.  
"Well, duh, dumb-star! You have your own web site!" Strong Bad said.  
"Oh, like Batman."  
"What the crap? Never mind. I don't want to know."  
"So how'd you guys get here?" Amanda asked.  
"Well..." Homestar started, "It all starts with a mommy and a daddy and they go up to the bedroom-"  
"Hey wo!" Pippin interrupted, "That is SO my line!"  
"No, you crap-for-brains!" Strong Bad said, "She meant how we got into this house!"  
"Ooooooooooooooooh! Now I get it!" Homestar replied, "Well, I don't know how we got here."  
"Holy crap, you're the one who suggested we rent a Unicorn to get here!"  
"I WANT A UNICORN!" Aragorn shouted. He curled up into a ball and his blanket magically reappeared.  
I just appeared...  
...came out of nowhere...  
Sorry, I couldn't pass up the opportunity.  
"What Unicorn?" Homestar asked in his really hilarjimous voice. (Yes I just typed hilarjimous.) A unicorn nudged his head into Homestar's back.  
"THAT UNICORN!" Everyone said in unison.  
"That's not a Unicorn, it's a platamapus!" Homestar laughed, "Wow, you guys are stupid." They all rolled their eyes.  
"So, what do you want to do?" Jenny Penny asked. (From now on Jenny Hess is going to be called Jenny Penny, and Jen Heller, Jen H.)  
"I think we should do what Adrienne said." Lydia suggested, "That's sounds real funny!"  
"Well, I can drive." Doug said.  
"And I can prance around like an idiot!"  
"We all knew that, Pranciblad! You only pranced half way here and you a rented a Unicorn!" Strong Bad mumbled some unintelligible words and besides, they probably would be too inappropriate for me to list.  
"Oh, I doubt it," Homestar said, "I drove."  
~*~  
  
They all squeezed into Doug's car as best they could. Needless to say it was just a bit crowded. "Get your foot out of my ear Aragorn!" Hayley snapped. "Whose butt is in my face?" Hanna asked. "Mine." Legolas replied. "Oh. Okay, never mind." Hanna smiled, and Legolas tried to smack his forehead, but he hit Gimli instead. "Holy crap, who farted?!" Strong Bad yelled over all the noise. Merry blushed. "Okay, we're coming to a red light." Doug announced. The car slowed down to a stop. They all looked out the window and counted in their heads, except Homestar. He preferred to count out loud. "One...two...three...eight...seventy-two...button..." Diana and Hanna looked at each other in confusion. "Uh...Homestar?" Diana said, "Did you ever lean how to count?" "Why of course I did! I almost graduated from Crazy Go Nuts University!" "Oh. Okay. For second there I almost thought that you said something remotely intelligent." Hanna laughed. "What's that mean?" Homestar asked. "What?" "That word." "What word?" Hanna thought for a bit, "Oh, you mean intelligent." "Yes!" Homestar said, "Intelivision." "It's another word for 'smart'." Adrienne replied. "When did I say something smart?" Homestar asked. "Never."  
"That what I thought." Homestar said. They all drove around in Doug's car for an hour and went back to Diana's house.  
"How many people did we count?" Sam asked.  
"1,678,345,344,209,654." Jenny Penny replied.  
"Whoa." They walked into the front door only to find the Unicorn and a bunch of his Unicorn friends (and a possum!) completely trashing the place.  
Oh yeah, they were all trashed too. "Whoa..." said one of the unicorns, "Look at all the stars...I'm going to count them! One ... two ... three... eight... seventy two...button..."  
"Well," Lydia said, "Homestar, I think you found a new friend."  
"ALL RIGHT!" Lydia rolled her eyes and smacked her forehead. Homestar sat down next to the unicorn and they had a very odd conversation. Or rather, very dumb conversation.  
"Oh gosh, if my mom sees the place like this, she'll kill me!" Diana said in dismay.  
"Wait," Miriam said, "Since when are there parents in this story?"  
"Well, there isn't." Diana replied. "My parents are only mentioned this once in this story."  
"Okay then."  
"Anyways," Diana continued, "We have to straighten this place up."  
"Why?" Amanda asked, "I thought your parents were only mentioned in this story."  
"Well, A.) I don't like messy places, B.) We need something to entertain the readers. So let's get to it!  
  
A/N: Okay, Homestar and Strong Bad were thrown in here for some more comical relief. (Not that you need anymore, I know your ribs hurt from laughing so hard.) And my health teacher seriously recommended counting how many people pick their noses at red lights. Oh and sorry if this chapter was really stupid and boring. I just needed to come up with something. 


	9. Attack of the Girl Scouts

Disclaimer: I don't own the Lord of the Rings, yo. Or Homestar Runner. Or Strong Bad. Or Jack Sparrow.  
  
A/N: If you're a girl scout, and you're proud of being a girl scout, and if people making fun of girl scouts offends you, DON'T READ THIS.  
  
Chapter 9:Attack of the Girl Scouts  
  
"How'd you Unicorns get here anyways?" Jenna asked while picking up a banana peel off the floor.  
"It's a bit complicated." Unicorn #2 said, "It all starts with a mommy and a-"  
  
"HEY!" Pippin and Homestar said in unison. They stared at each other in an angry stare-off. Homestar blinked first.  
  
"HA!" Pippin cried triumphantly, "I win! The line is MINE!" Everyone rolled they're eyes. Pippin did a little victory dance. "WOOHOO!"  
  
"When did we decide that?" Homestar asked.  
  
"After the Angry Stare-Off. What, do you want to fight for it?" Pippin mocked.  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Dude, you don't have any arms." Jen H. said. (Homestar Runner is basically a marshmallow with legs and propeller cap)  
  
"Yes I do." Homestar walked up to Pippin and punched him in his stomach. Pippin fell to the ground and had trouble breathing. When he tried to speak, his voice was high pitched.  
  
"I don't think violence is the answer..." Pippin said in his weird voice.  
  
"...It's the solution!" Miriam finished.  
  
"No fighting!" Diana said, "I don't want to go to court because two fictional characters beat each other up. Besides, my parents would kill me."  
  
"I thought you said that your parents would only be mentioned once in this story." Amanda said.  
  
"Oh. Oops." They all continued to clean up while Pippin continued fighting with Homestar. (Though no blood was involved, sorry!) The Unicorns were too wasted to help, and as for the possum...well we won't go there.  
  
"What's up with that possum anyways?" Merry asked.  
  
"Well," said Unicorn #6, "The Possum threatened to replace our crack with pixy stix if we didn't take him along."  
  
"Pixy Stix." Diana said, "Cause not every kid can afford crack."  
  
"Riiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhht...."  
  
"Cleaning up this mess won't help with my complexion at all!" Legolas said in dismay.  
  
"It's okay," Hanna said, "You look hott not matter what." She sighed.  
  
"Uh, thanks...I think." Soon after, pounding was heard at the door. They all went to answer the door. Don't ask why it takes that many people to answer the door. But they all answered the door. But before they did, Diana peered out the door to see who was there, and her smile turned to a frown in a split second.  
  
"Whatever you do, don't answer the-" Too late, again. Sam opened the door already. "-door."  
  
"Hi, would you like to buy some cookies?" Three little girls, about the age of nine, stood on just beyond the door. The were dressed in the customary clothes of the horrid Girl Scouts.  
  
Diana hurried toward the door. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. "NOOOO!" She leaped at Sam, knocking him to the ground before he could accept the offer. She got back up and faced the little devils. "*Lle naa vanima lle atara laniena!" She slammed the door closed.  
  
"What was that for?" Boromir asked, "And since when can you speak elvish?"  
  
"Hello, I'm only a S.O.L.F. member! It's required to know elvish." Diana said, "And those innocent looking girls were the evil girl scouts of doom. They reign terror on unsuspecting souls by overcharging them for really disgusting cookies."  
  
"But I like the thin mints!" Jenny Penny said.  
  
"Oh, but you don't understand." Diana said, "My mom-"  
  
"That's the third time you've mentioned your parents." Adrienne said.  
  
"Anyways, My mom made me join girl scouts and it was horrible! The troop leader was soooooooo mean. And none of the girls had any brain cells cause they were brainwashed by the evilness of the Girl Scout ways."  
  
"Holy crap," Strong Bad muttered, "They're just a bunch of little girls!" Strong Bad opened the door and stepped outside. The others closed the door behind him to prevent the battalions of Girl Scouts to enter the house. Outside, phrases such as "GET THE BA*****!" were heard along with Strong Bad's screams. Five minutes later, Strong Bad was able to find a way back into the house.  
  
"They all came out of nowhere!" He said in between sobs, "I couldn't stop them! It was horrible!" Jenna put a consoling arm around Strong Bad's shoulder.  
  
Merry, Pippin and Amanda looked out the window. "Uh, they kind of stationed themselves outside your house." The Scouts had formed battle stations all around the house. They were armed with cookies and other Girl Scout things.  
  
"We're doomed." Aragorn said, "I wasn't supposed to die this way!"  
  
"I know." Jen H. said.  
  
"How would you know?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"I know A LOT about you." Aragorn took a few steps back.  
  
"Well, what should we do?!" Gimli frantically asked. Diana strode the room back and forth, trying to think of a solution.  
  
"I've got it!" she cried. Diana quickly ran to the phone and dialed.  
  
"Who're you calling?" Miriam asked.  
  
"Katherine. Shh! It's ringing... Hi! Is Katherine there? Thanks." Diana received confused stares from the rest of the group. "Hey Katherine. We REALLY need your help. There's like, a TON of Girl Scouts outside of my house, waiting to pounce...Ok. Hurry up though. See you!"  
  
"Why'd you call Katherine?" Gandalf asked, "I thought you were mad at her."  
  
"I wasn't really mad at her. I was...well...it's a complicated emotion." A few minutes later, there was a knock at the back door. Diana answered it. Katherine was standing there, adorned in the Girl Scouts vest.  
  
"Nice disguise." Jenna commented.  
  
"Thanks." Katherine replied, "Anyways, here's the plan...  
  
A/N: That chapter wasn't too good either, but you've got to stick with me! It will get better, I promise. I mean, we haven't even gotten to the chapter where we go on Mission Steal Orli's Boxers. Who wouldn't want to stick around for that??? 


	10. The Plan Revealed and Other Stuff

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from Lord of the Rings. Professor J.R.R. Tolkien does. He's my hero!  
  
A/N: Sorry this chappie took soooooooooooooooooo long. I got so busy and I've been playing the Van Helsing game. IT'S AWESOMELY AWESOME! I want to see the movie sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad! Oh, and I just got the Return of the King movie....so I guess you can tell what else I've been watching.  
  
Chapter Ten: The Plan Revealed and Other Stuff  
  
Gandalf waited at the curb. He was a bit scared. I mean, he was entrusting his very life with some random insane people named Diana and Katherine.  
  
"Why do I always have to get involved?" Gandalf turned his head in the direction of Diana's house. He saw Katherine step out, still clothed in her Girl Scout uniform.  
  
"LOOK!" she shouted, "AN OLD MAN IS TRYING TO CROSS THE STREET! GET HIM!" The Girl Scouts looked at Gandalf. In an instant, they sprang from the battle stations and charged towards Gandalf. He stood helplessly under the stop sign. The evil demons surrounded him, all of them offering they're help to cross the street.  
  
"NOW!" Diana screamed. Katherine, Aragorn and Jenna threw a net over all of the Girl Scouts. They screamed with anger and their beady little eyes turned red and... Okay, well their eyes didn't turn red, but they were really pissed off.  
  
"MWA-HA-HA!" Gandalf shot three bolts of lightening at the trapped Girl Scouts. A second later, they all were gone.  
  
"Uh, they aren't actually dead, are they?" Frodo asked.  
  
"No, of course not!" Gandalf laughed, "They went somewhere far worse."  
  
"Where are we?" Girl Scout number 1 asked.  
  
"It looks like a...movie theater." Girl scout number 234 said, "Why are we at a movie theater?" It was dark, but bright enough to see chairs all around them. In the front of the room there was a huge screen. They all sat down the seats. Before they knew it, the evil Girl Scouts of Doom were locked in their seats! And to their worst nightmare, one single horrifyingly horrorifying word appeared on the screen.  
  
Gigli.  
  
"Okay, so what do you guys want to do now?" Lydia asked. (I think that someone has asked that question at least once in every chapter.) They shrugged.  
  
"I have an idea!" Diana smiled.  
  
"Oh no! Every time you have an idea it always turns out to be painful or just plain dumb." Boromir stated.  
  
"Well, in case you haven't noticed, I'm only fourteen and have no life what so ever and...I can't think of anything else to think of in my defense."  
  
"I have a defense!" Adrienne said, "Your also insane."  
  
"Gee, thanks. I'm very flattered." Diana replied sarcastically.  
  
"No you're the good kind of insane. There are two kinds of insane people; The good kind, i.e., you, the weird insane, i.e., Mike Lee, and the bad insane, i.e., Eric Getz."  
  
"That was three kinds." Legolas said.  
  
"Dag!"  
  
"Anyways, What's your plan?" Hayley asked.  
  
"WE are going to fly to England and steal Orlando Bloom's boxers!"  
  
"But I'm SO not gay!" Sam said.  
  
"Hate to break it to ya, but the media thinks otherwise." Adrienne led Sam into the other room and turned on the computer. A few seconds later, girlie screams were heard throughout the neighborhood. Sam slowly walked back into the living room, wide eyed. He stood at the opposite end of the room, away from Frodo.  
  
"Anyways, all we have to do is sneak on a plane that will take us to London." Diana said, "It'll be easy."  
  
"Yeah, right." Gimli rolled his eyes, "How're we supposed to sneak aboard a plane thing? Just walk right in there?"  
  
"You've forgotten something...or rather, someone..." Jack Sparrow sat on the couch next to the possum. Their conversation went like this:  
  
"Hmmnngh mmgrnahg?" asked the possum.  
  
"Hummhrgh hnnnnnghngh." Replied Jack.  
  
Yeah.  
  
"What? He's stolen-"  
  
"Commandeered." Hayley said.  
  
"Oh whatever! He's commandeered a lot of ships! What could be so different about a plane?"  
  
"Okay, so once we get in there, you know what to do, right mates?" Jack asked. They were all outside the airport (Don't ask me how they got there. Let's just say it involves a carrot, a wet sock, and a J-Lo song.) They all huddled together to listen to Jack's instructions.  
  
"I think we do." Jen H. said.  
  
"Great! So go on ahead!" They all walked through the doors. Once they were in, they put their fingers in front of their faces. Surprisingly, no one seemed to take notice of them.  
  
"This isn't going to work!" Gimli whispered.  
  
"Oh, how doubtful you are oh doubtful one! Watch this!" Jack walked up to a little kid named Haley Joe Osment. "Hey little dude, what's up?"  
  
"Oh no," H. J. O. said, "I knew it...Now I AM hearing dead people!" The little deranged kid ran out of the building faster than a fast thing.  
  
"Okay then..."  
  
"HA! My plans always work when people don't do anything stupid!"  
  
coughWill Turnercough  
  
"HEY! I heard that!"  
  
Sorry Will!  
  
Okay, just in case you didn't catch on to that Haley Joe Osment joke, he's the guy who played the dude from the Sixth Sense. Get it now? Yeah, I didn't think anyone would. He also the voice of Sora from Kingdom Hearts! I love that game. 


	11. Aragorn said F!

Disclaimer: I DON"T OWN LOTR!!!!!!!  
  
A/N: Sorry for not updating for a while! I had internet problems (again) so I couldn't update until now. So go on and enjoy!  
  
Chapter Eleven: Aragorn said F---!  
  
The good news, they all made their aboard the next flight to London, England. The bad news, they had to sit with the baggage.  
  
"OW! This is the most uncomfortable situation ever!" Legolas shifted his weight, but the suitcases still jabbed his back.  
  
"It's okay Leggy-boy, I found some pillows!" Jen H. said. She put the pillows under his head and started brushing his hair. "And I found this brush!"  
  
"Take that back," Legolas cringed every time the brush touched his hair, "THIS is the most uncomfortable situation ever..."  
  
"Are we there yet?" Pippin asked. Again. For fifty-millionth time. "Are we there now?"  
  
"NO, GOD DAMMIT!" Gandalf yelled, "I swear on all things swearable, if you don't shut up I'll-"  
  
"We're here!" Hanna announced, "Wow, that didn't take long."  
  
"Oh well, let's go!" They all got inside the biggest suitcases they could find, and waited to be unloaded. It took about ten minutes for each of their suitcases to be unloaded from the plane. They were taken to baggage claim soon after, and there, they got out of they're suitcases, causing some surprise in the airport.  
  
"Where do we go now?" Merry asked.  
  
"I don't know, but we find out somehow." Katherine said.  
  
"How do you know?" Boromir asked, "None of us even knows where he lives."  
  
"Well, if we didn't get to Orlando's, there wouldn't be much of a story."  
  
"This wasn't much of a story in the first place." No one decided to argue after that, so for once, there was silence. (Okay I lied. But if you don't count the cars, people yelling nasty things, and other city noises, then yes, there was silence.) There were A LOT of homeless people in London. They were either lying in benches or begging for money on the street, or harassing people. Aragorn tried to ignore the bums, and Merry, Pippin and Katherine's rendition of 'Do you Know the Muffin Man?', but he had had the last straw. Or the last spoon, if you like.  
  
"NO, I DON'T KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN, AND NO, I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A DOLLAR AS I DON'T KNOW WHAT A DOLLAR IS! LEAVE ME THE F--- ALONE!" There was absolute silence. (Nothing made any noise. Not the cars or the people. SO this time, I'm telling the truth!)  
  
"Aragorn said f---!" Amanda said, "OMIGOSH! He made me say f---! OMIGOSH! He made me say f twice! OMIGOSH! He made me say f--- three times! OMIGOSH! HE made-"  
  
"Amanda," Jenny said, "Shut up."  
  
"Angergorn..."  
  
Here we go again....  
  
Well, you guys probably know what happens in this...uh...situation, so I won't explain what happened cause it would be pointless and take up too much of my typing time.  
  
After Aragorn stopped his spazzing, they continued on down the road. Oh, and everything was noisy again. And 'Do You Know the Muffin Man was sung again, too. Eventually, they stopped for ice cream, which was a bad idea...  
  
"Hey man," A black homeless dude who was missing A LOT of teeth said, "I'm a-going to go ta Iraq and take it over all by maself cuz I don't need no one." Frodo sniggered, and the black dude gave him an odd look, "I could kill you with one hand tied behind ma back."  
  
"Oh yeah?" Frodo challenged, "I'd like to see you try!"  
  
"You fine but I don't mess around wit no white chicks."  
  
"I AM NOT A GIRL!" Frodo shouted, "Legolas looks more like a girl than me!" Frodo backed off after Legolas and the S.O.L.F members shot him dirty looks.  
  
"Don't mess wit me, man," said Mr. I'm-A-bitter-hobo-who-is-in-dire- need-of-dental-work, "I'll kill right here and now! I was in the Vietnam war!"  
  
"Oh yeah? Well my purse was made in Vietnam and it's about to...well, I can't think of a good line at the moment!"  
  
"You never have any good lines." Candi Cooper and Michelle Sayles beat the crap out of the hobo with their Vietnamese purses, and left him there to twitch.  
  
"Holy crap!" said Strong Bad, "You just beat the crap out of that guy!"  
  
"How did you guys get to London?" Jenny Penny asked.  
  
"It's a long story...and I don't exactly know." Michelle answered.  
  
"Okay then, you guys can come with us!" said Diana, "We're going to steal Orlando Bloom's boxers."  
  
"Cool." So, off they went with two more friends. Not that they needed anymore people cause they already had...well, I can't count them all at the moment as I am writing this very early in the morning. I am not awake at 11:00. But there are a lot of people though.  
  
It took a while, but they found it. They FOUND it. THEY found IT. Orlando (Insert Middle Name(s) Here) Bloom's house. His humble abode. His hacienda. Okay I'll stop now.  
  
"Omigosh! We found it!"  
  
"Orlando Bloom's house."  
  
"His humble abode."  
  
"His-"  
  
"OKAY!" Legolas shouted, "WE GET THE PICTURE!"  
  
"So...who's going to open the door?" Hayley asked.  
  
"ME!" The SOLF members ran for the door. They fought over who would open the door first.  
  
"Stop! STOP!" Gandalf shouted above the bickering, "Why don't you take turns opening the door?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"That's sounds good." Hanna opened the door first, then Katherine, then Diana, then Jen. H., then Jenna. After the swoon-fest was over, everyone else entered the house.  
  
"Umm, where's his room?"  
  
"Well, let's try upstairs. But we have to hurry." Diana said, "He could be home at any time. Okay, All Hobbits, Gandalf and Amanda and Jenny Penny, keep watch."  
  
"Good, I didn't want to touch his boxers anyways."  
  
"And Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Adrienne, Hayley...okay! And Jack will search down here." Hayley swooned and clinged to Jack's leg, again.  
"And the rest of us," Legolas, the S.O.L.F members, Candi, and Michelle, "will go upstairs."  
  
"What about us?" Strong Bad asked.  
  
"Oh, uh...you guys can provide the music!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know, spy music."  
  
"Oh, like doodedoodedededoodedoo?"  
  
"Yeah." They all either searched, watched, or provided music. They had no luck, and in the process of the search, they seriously trashed the house.  
  
"We're having no luck and we seriously trashed the house!" said Candi.  
  
"OHMIGOSH! I THINK I FOUND IT!" All the S.O.L.F Members screeched and ran upstairs. "Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh!" Jen H. was laughing hysterically, Katherine was hyperventilating, Hanna was freaking out and wouldn't stop saying 'Ohmigosh!' Jenna fainted and Diana was crying.  
  
"This is it..." Hanna said, "On the count of three, we're opening the drawer.."  
  
"One..."  
  
"Two..."  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!"  
  
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...  
  
Who was the black hobo man? How did Candi and Michelle get to London? Well, I can answer the first question: I went to Washington D.C. With Michelle Sayles and Candi Cooper, and we got harassed by a homeless black dude. So that's where he came from. Good times... 


	12. The End Of All Things

Disclaimer: NO, I DON'T OWN LORD OF THE RINGS! LEAVE ME ALONE!  
  
A/N: Okay, we are at the last chapter! This'll probably be a little longer than the other chapters, but that's okay. Oh, and JellymanSquirt, this is a fanfic, I can make the story however I want to make it. I don't care if it's OOC. So get out of my face you freak. I don't take to flames very well.  
  
Chapter Twelve:  
  
They all stood there, shocked. "Um....well,"  
  
All of the sudden, Sam ran up the stairs. "WE'RE STEALING YOUR BOXERS! BACK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He opened the drawer and grabbed the oh-so-sacred boxers. The boxers were white and had a picture of Orlando on them.  
  
Right on the crotch.  
  
"This is awkward." Said Adrienne, "Ha! I am witty! I am funny! I AM SPARTACUS!" (don't ask. But you know you want to.)  
  
"Uh...anyways...GIMME BACK MY BOXERS!"  
  
"JELL-O!" Jenny Penny saw a half eaten cup o' jell-o on his dresser. She grabbed and ate it one bite. "Mmmm...Good year."  
  
"That's been there for a few years now." Orlando Bloom replied.  
  
"Duh, I know."  
  
"I'm selfish I'm wrong I'm right—"  
  
"Everybody just shut up for a minute!" Orlando Bloom screamed above all the hubbub. Little did he know, everyone there had ADD, which he just found out. "Give that back to me! Are you queer?"  
  
"NO, well, maybe." And then Sam ran over to the dresser and grabbed every pair in there, but before he could escape, he disappeared. Literally. And that was the last time we saw him. And everybody cheered, except Frodo, who cried.  
  
"What the crap!?" Strong Bad screamed. Homestar still sang the spyness.  
  
"Dude.... That was the only boxers I had!!!!!" Screamed Orlando  
  
"I guess You'll have to go el natural!!!" Said Jenny Penny. And all the S.O.L.F girls screamed wildly.  
  
"Wait...aren't you wearing boxers now????" Diana asked.  
  
"Umm..." All the S.O.L.F members fainted. Legolas was extremely happy about this. It was then that Orlando first noticed the Fellowship of the Ring was in his bedroom.  
  
Wow, that sounded wrong.  
  
"Whoa..." Orlando felt someone tap his shoulder. "WHAT?!"  
  
"Do you have any more Jell-o?" Jenny Penny curiously asked. "Pudding would be nice, but I'll settle for Jell-o. Preferably lime."  
  
"You're weird." Mr. Hottness himself said.  
  
"No, I'm not weird; I'm just a super freak."  
  
"Um...downstairs in the fridge." Jenny Penny ran down the hall, and fell down the stairs. She was okay, but it would explain A LOT.  
  
"On to business," said Strong Bad, "Umm...what were we talking about?"  
  
"MY BOXERS!" shouted Orlando, "BECAUSE OF SAM, I HAVE TO GO EL NATURAL!"  
  
"You have money, go buy new ones." Amanda said.  
  
"Umm..."  
  
"Dude," said Hayley, "We're gonna to get some boxers."  
  
15 MINUTES LATER  
  
"No, those wouldn't look right on him." Said Katherine. Hanna was holding up a pair of Spongebob Squarepants boxers.  
  
"Who cares?" Hanna replied, "No one's going to see them."  
  
"I am."  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"Hey man, I'm a-going ta bomb Iraq." Mr. Hobo was back. He blew a puff of cigarette smoke in her face."  
  
"HOW RUDE!!" said Hanna, "Wait a minute, why are you in a boxer store?"  
  
"I need me some unda-wears." Then Candi and Michelle walked by, waving their purses menacingly. Mr. Hobo screamed like a sissy and ran out of the store.  
  
"I found the perfect pair!" shouted Jenna, and everyone ran over to see them. The boxers were black and had I Love Orlando on them.  
  
"Okay, those look good." Said Orlando.  
  
"You are very vain." Adrienne said. Orlando grabbed the boxers and paid for them.  
  
"You're only getting one pair?" Amanda asked.  
  
"Hey wait," said Merry, "Where's Jenny Penny?"  
  
"She's probably still eating the Jell-o."  
  
"Oh, okay."  
  
"She's probably really fat by now." Said Hayley  
  
"Probably, but it is Non-fat....She's probably just PHAT!!!" said Gimli who was trying to be a pimp.  
  
"No. That was so 1996." Said Adrienne, "I watch I Love the 90's religiously!"  
  
"Maybe we should go back and check on her."  
  
"Nah."  
  
Near by a random guys cell phone rang. "Umm...... hold on." he said in a loud voice, "Is there an Diana in the house???"  
  
"That's me!" Diana ran up and took the phone from the dude. "Hello? NO Jenny Penny...We're at the Boxer R Us. No, I WILL NOT GET YOU ANYMORE JELL-O! BYE!" The phone rang again. Diana picked it up. "What?! Oh, now you want pudding?! TOO BAD!" Diana hung up.  
  
"So...what're we gonna do now?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Umm, let's go back to Orlando's and have a party!" The cell phone rang again. Diana answered yet again. "What?...Yes, there'll be Jell-o! BYE!" Diana hung up. "We have to go to the grocery store. Jenny ate all the Jell- o."  
  
"I was saving that for New Years." Orlando muttered.  
  
"That's, like, five months away." Said Michelle.  
  
"So?" Off to the grocery store they went...to get groceries. Cause that's usually what you do at a grocery store. I'm going to skip that part, as it is very boring.  
  
When they back to Orli's, Jenny Penny was standing by the fridge. The was all kinds of Jell-o on her mouth. "Bring any Ice Cream?"  
  
"Shut up." Said Boromir.  
  
Orlando went upstairs to put his boxers, when he noticed his other pair of boxers was folded neatly and placed in his drawer. There was a note that read:  
  
"Dearest Orlando,  
  
Sorry for taking your boxers. I was caught up in the heat of the moment. My bad. I hope this doesn't affect our relationship.  
  
Toodles,  
  
Samwise Gamgee."  
  
"Wow. That was odd." Orlando went downstairs and picked up the phone. "Hey Kate, I'm having a party! Come on over!"  
  
"TELL HER TO BRING JELL-O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cried Jenny Penny.  
  
"You're getting on my nerves woman!" screamed Orlando  
  
"Sorry, Don't get your tightie whities in a bundle."  
  
"Wait a minute," said Jen. H. "Who's 'her'?"  
  
"Ummm... no one." Orlando started to sweat, and he was getting nervous. But the front door opened, and in walked Kate Bosworth. (dun dun dunnnnn!)  
  
"Hey Orlando, what's going on?" the she-devil (Kate Bosworth) said.  
  
"KATE! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! THE FANGIRLS ARE HERE!" But it was too late. The fangirls attacked Kate Bosworth and beat her up and stuff.  
  
"Well, now that that's taken care of... LET"S PAR-TAY!" But all of a suddenly, a green light flashed, and Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, and that kid with the scar popped out of no where.  
  
"Do you have any Jell-o?" Jenny asked Ron.  
  
"What is this Jell-o you speak of?" said Ron, and Jenny's jaw dropped.  
  
"Holy crap and a half, you don't know what Jell-o is?!" Ron shook his head, "You deprived child. You see, it's this jiggly stuff and you eat it. Sometimes it's hard cause it fall off your spoon..."  
  
"OMIGAH!" said Adrienne, doing her best Jessica Simpson impression, "YOU ARE DRACO MALFOY!"  
  
"AND YOU'RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!" Said Draco. "LET'S MAKE-OUT!"  
  
"OKAY!" screamed Adrienne. So they made-out. For a LOOOOOOOOONG time.  
  
"I wanna go home." said Merry.  
  
"Me too." Agreed Pippin.  
  
"How do we even get home?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"I don't know.." said Gandalf, "Let's go upstairs." They all went upstairs, and the S.O.L.F members went into Orlando's room.  
  
"Well, since I didn't get the chance to open his unda-wear drawer, I think I'll open it now." Said Katherine. So she did, and found something very, very interesting. "Hey! A Portal to Middle-Earth!"  
  
"WHAT?!" said the fellowship in unison. Everybody ran into the room. There, in the unda-wear drawer, was a portal to Middle-Earth. You could see the Shire through it, and this made the hobbits happy.  
  
"WOOHOO! LET'S DANCE!" Merry and Pippin and Jack Sparrow for some reason started dancing really funny-like.  
  
"Last one in is a rotten egg!" Pippin did a cannon ball into the portal and you could see him running towards the shire, and then he tripped. And he didn't get up. Merry, Frodo and the rest of the Fellowship followed suit.  
  
But, before Legolas dived in, he said, "Before I go, I have to get something off my chest. Diana, I LOVE YOU!" and he jumped in the portal.  
  
"WOOHOO!" Diana screamed, "Wait for me!" Diana Jumped in too, and nanced off into the distance with Legolas.  
  
"HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Jen. H. shouted. The rest of the S.O.L.F crew tried to get through the portal, but they all ran into the dresser, and the portal was closed off.  
  
"O CRAP, I LOST ANOTHER FRIEND." Jenny Penny cried.  
  
"Whoa what just happened?" said Adrienne, who was holding Draco Malfoy's...hand. Draco's looked a bit confused and his hair was messed up.  
  
"It's about time you showed up, its been about an hour." Said Jack Sparrow.  
  
"Sorry, we got caught in the moment..." Adrienne held out her hand, to reveal an engagement ring.  
  
"Whoa, that was a bit quick," said Jack.  
  
"I wanna get engaged!" said Hayley, "Will you marry me Jack?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"YESS!"  
  
"Dibbs on flower girl!" said Jenny Penny. "And I'll bring the Jell-O .........I wanna be engaged to...umm..." Jenny turned around and saw that kid with the scar...but she didn't want to marry a geek that taped his glasses. "Hey Ron, wanna get married?"  
  
"Uhh...whatever."  
  
"Well, that wasn't the response I was looking for, but it'll do."  
  
"Wait, I wanna go back to my life of Piracy." Jack told Hayley.  
  
"I'll become a pirate!"  
  
"Ok. But I don't know how to get home."  
  
"Uh...try the sock drawer!" said Hayley. Surely enough, there was another portal to the Black Pearl. "Cool. I'm gonna be a pirate!" And Jack and his wife-to-be jumped aboard the Black Pearl.  
  
"What about us?" said Strong Bad. "You can come with me!" said Jenny Penny. "We'll have tea and Jell-o!"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Umm.....wait but that kid with the scar and Hermione have to get home." Said Amanda.  
  
"Oh. Well, we can just run through the wall." Said Hermione.  
  
"That's coo'. See ya."  
  
"Bye." Said Hermione Ron sniffled as Hermione though the wall, and Jenny told him to suck it up. (in a nice way) But he laughed as boy-with-scar missed the portal and ran head first into the wall. Eventually, he made it through.  
  
"What do we do now?" Candi asked.  
  
"Go home, I guess." Michelle replied.  
  
"Okay. See ya."  
  
"Hey wait a minute, Draco, I have one thing to say." Jenny Penny smacked him across the face, "THAT'S FOR BEING MEAN TO RON!"  
  
"Hey!" said Adrienne, "Why'd you smack my man?! Back off girlfriend!"  
  
"Wow," said Draco, She fights my battles for me..."  
  
"Okay, let's just end this story now!" said Hanna.  
  
"Yeah, that sounds good this was a long chapter about 7 pages."  
  
"CYA" Said everyone.  
  
THE END!  
  
A/N: Thank God I got that over with! 


End file.
